How To Stop Comparing Yourself (for creatives)
Hi, I am Chisom, and I am a chronic comparator. I compare myself to people’s lifestyles, career, and work. Wondering why my work doesn’t get as much recognition or my kitchen isn’t as beautiful. It is easy to sit and lament on how or why your life sucks when you are comparing your average life or skills to highlight reels. And, I will admit, comparison sucks!
As creatives, we can get a little hard on ourselves when we create. It is common to be our own biggest critic and we brood over the tiniest details and/or compare our work to others. Concerned we are not working hard enough, and sometimes, putting undue pressure on ourselves to perform.
I have learned some practical habits that stops me from comparing myself to others in order to recognize the beauty and value of my own uniqueness.
Here is what I have learned.
1) FIND YOUR STYLE
This involves deep self reflection to better understand what it is you truly enjoy. What art form brings you joy? Do not limit you style to your niche. Think outside the box. The mind was designed to connect things. Don’t be afraid to listen to experts in various fields and draw inspiration from them.
All of us are born unique. This uniqueness is imprinted in our DNA and also based on our life experiences. Find what you like and master it.
Once you find your personal style, you will not feel the need to compare your work, you appreciate your strengths, hone it, and understand your weaknesses. And if you find yourself comparing your work, you think “hey, this is not my style. Why am I bothered?” You appreciate other peoples work for what it is and you move on.
2) BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Do a sweep on the people you are following. Some things to ask yourself when doing a social sweep:
“does this person’s content bring me joy?”
“What emotions do I feel when I see this person’s post- happiness, lighthearted, envy, jealousy, anger?”
“Why am I following this person? When did we last interact?”
“Does their content inspire me?”
If their content doesn’t bring joy I either unfollow or mute. I recommend following people whose style is similar to yours or one you can draw inspiration from. I also recommend following people that are significantly older or have more experience in the field you are interested in.
Realize that if other people’s lives leave you feeling down, then it is a sign that some soul searching and reflection is required. You are not happy about where you are in life, and you have the ability to change it.
3) REDUCE THE HOURS SPENT ONLINE
Further to tip 2, mindless scrolling will only leave you feeling overwhelmed and will cause you to retreat into various forms of passivity. You would listen more to others and/or feel the need to follow the crowd, rather than your own inner voice. You may choose to create work for the sake of going viral falling into a false path - a false path of money, fame or attention.
Channel the time spent on mindless scrolling to other fulfilling work, doesn’t mean to be hustling all the time, but make time to relax, to go for walks, go cycling, enjoy nature, and meditate.
You can successfully balance social media, your personal life, and business life to live a wholesome and more fulfilling life.
4) CONNECT TO YOUR ENVIRONMENT
I recently bought a bicycle and I wish I had gotten one sooner, when I go for a ride around town - on the trails and waterfront, It is just me and my inner voice, and I connect deeply with my environment. I am not worried about the distractions afforded by technology like social media followings or engagement or views. I am not inundated with pings and callbacks or metrics and insights. I observe people, nature and the world around me and truly live in the moment.
5) UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE NOT THE BEST.
Be at peace with knowing that you cannot and may never be the best in the world. There will always be someone more successful or more talented than you. However, you need to know the unique value of what you bring to the table. Someone great at painting, maybe terrible at customer service. No one is perfect. So be easy on yourself and don’t beat yourself up. Acknowledge and appreciate your unique talents, write down what you are grateful for, work on skills you want to perfect and enjoy the journey of growth.
Comparison is a recipe for unhappiness. Rather than focus on our inner scorecard and voice, we allow others to drive our behaviour. We focus our energy on the wrong things.
There is only one you in the world, be the best you.
I made a little video about this topic while decorating the cake pictured above. Feel free to give it a wee watch!
Love,
Chisom